SoOOooOOooOOoooOOo I have been on a blog hiatus; dealing with some shit and writing my book April Everyday – Autobiographical Snippets of an Insignificant Woman due out in April 2016 [shameless plug]. I would like to say I was typing away like a mad woman but I have been mainly, dealing with my feelings. Yeah, I have some deep-rooted issues that manifest from time to time. Sometimes I am transparent. Over these past few months I cannot really say that I have been. Most would think all is well in my world. My primary focus, however, has become just putting one foot in front of the other and not snapping the eff out and punching someone in the effin neck for mis-speaking [blank stare]. What? I am not a violent woman nor am I a proponent of fist to face but some folks will take you outside of your element. Like the infamous Drake says. One can go zero to a hund’ed real quick. Boom Bap Boom! Neck punch initiated! Anyhoo, I digressed. SoOooOOooOooo I said all of that to say I have not graced the internet with my infinite wisdom. It is not like I do not have anything to say but more so that I really just would rather lie in bed. Is that depression? Or is it just pure laziness? Mine is probably a combo. We shall explore this a bit. When I become consumed when life I throw myself into a super duper busy mode. Recently I had two full time jobs. Yes, two; deuce, le duex, los dos! I was an 80-hour a week working beast. In addition, I was trying to hold down a relationship, co-host a radio show and travel. All so that I would not have enough down time to see my world falling to shit [yeah, I cursed] around me. I wont go into details about my woes but just know that everything ain’t rose petals and chili cheese fries up in this piece [teeth suck]. When I did have a moment to myself I just wanted to lie motionless. Does that constitute as depression because I finally get an opportunity to silently meditate on all of the things that are making life blue for me? Or is it that I am just exhausted? Trying to avoid life can be exhausting [sigh].
I just really wanted to set my tone for you all so that you know that while I have been in avoidance mode and trying to come out of my funk I have had some people say some pretty inappropriate shit to me; just plain disrespectful [teeth suck]. When everything is peachy king it is easier to not internalize the bullshit but when you are fighting against gray skies ---- uhmmmmm errrrrrrr, not so much. I have been graced with so much unsolicited banter that I am surprised I haven’t told anyone to go fuck themselves. It is, however, coming; the bite back. I had pimple faced tender kid tell me that my hair looked better on Facebook [blank stare]. I had a chauvinistic prick tell me he wasn’t a fan of short hair [lip curl]. I had a mean girl tell me that it looks like I picked up some weight and when I told her I gained twenty pounds she said [and I quote], “are you sure that’s it?” [neck punch]. I had a chick walking behind me chanting, “booty booty booty – booty everywhere”. Albeit, I might give her a free pass because she said that she wish she had one like me [raised eyebrow]. Did I mention that not one of these people is in my inner circle? They are random folks. They do not typically make it on the scale of me giving a rats ass but here they are all up in face making non-uplifting statements [typically] right after I struggled to even make an appearance. I, being a professional masquerader, would [will] never let on that I was bothered because the blow up at the perpetrator would be all of inclusive of what is going on behind my scenes so I just chuckle [not laugh] or shrug it off and keep moving. But my own feelings of defeat, hopelessness, devastation, futility, despair and isolation that I am struggling with have now been compounded with insult. All because some fuck wants to have something to say. This is not good. No bueno!
There is an old adage that says if you do not have anything nice to say then do not say anything at all. I am going to paraphrase that for some of you who obviously did not grasp onto the concept. Learn when to shut the fuck up [teeth suck]. Know that your ill placed opinion is only warranted when solicited. There is enough negativity in the world that we can all speak on. I may not like your tricked up weave, your bowl hair cut, your outfit, your overbite, your pimples, your run over shoes, your inexplicable stench [side eye], your attitude or just you [period] but what does that say about me if I feel a need to have to, without provocation, tell you? Why am I telling you? Ask yourself why are you telling me? Are you insecure? Are you deflecting? Are you a mean girl [this goes for the guys too]? Are you catty? Do you see something in me that you wish you could see in you? Are you envious? Are you jealous? What are you? Let me tell you what you are. You are immature. You have yet to grow to a level of maturity that dictates to you that what you say out of your mouth does not define whom you are speaking about [or to] but instead it defines you. Speak uplifting words. Pay a compliment. Spew positivity. And if you just do not have it in you to be better then just be quiet. That always works [lip curl].
Okay, carry on!
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