First things first, Happy New Year!!!!

You have been blessed to see another year. Many have not; moment of silence for those who did not make it [prayerful nod]. Now, let us get straight down to business. Apparently, it is time to resolve or resolute what you plan to do bigger or better in 2016. Is it not? Focus on your finances, shine a light on your health or lack thereof [raised eyebrow] or to simply work on the betterment of your relationships with friends; with family. Tisk tisk! Everyone has a list of things that they chose to tackle as one year ends and another one begins. It is cute, at best. We have been trained to participate in this trivial rite of passage into a new year. Well, let me tell you something. Lean in [raise eyebrow]. There is way more to becoming a better you than you spewing some rhetoric about changes that you have been saying you were going to make since [well] whenever. What I am saying here is that you cannot simply talk about your changes in preparation for a new year you have to implement these changes about you or your life throughout the year. You did not just discover that you have these demerits on your life [side eye]. Soooooooo ummmmmm errrrrrrr  it should not be this unexpected epiphany that you have on December 31st that requires an proclamation to the masses on January 1st. Are you listening? Do you [really] hear me? Crickets. Crickets. Crickets. Oh okay, nobody hears me [lip curl]. On that note, in 2016 simply govern yourself accordingly and carry on [teeth suck]. 


Would you like more real talk from India L. Trotter? Buy her latest book Real Talk - Unsolicited Advice from a Blogger Chick by clicking here. Listen to her latest podcast What are You Taking Into 2016 by clicking here. 

I was not quite sure what to touch upon this week. I generally choose a topic based on some interaction that I had in the week prior and then elaborate on that. Well, as it would be, this week there was a common theme amongst some [well] common folks [teeth suck]. I want to delve into a behavior quite often addressed by the not so subtle phrase, "who the fuck do you think you're talking to?". Or if you are like me, I give non verbal responses to those who power seek; a blank stare or a side eye will suffice. In all my infinite wisdom [blank stare] I have learned to verbally spar with a fool is [well] foolish.  And is that not what someone is who has been given a little power but is ill equipped to use it; a fool? Typically is this not some stooge that wants to say some slick shit or do some whack ass shit to prove that he or she is in charge; the man? The woman? I know! It is Sunday and I am not supposed to curse [lip curl]. But errrrr ummmm some folks had my blood boiling this week. I found myself morphing between love and peace into "say one more word and I'mma show you what a throat punch feels like [side eye]. Like, for real. Come down off your high horse and lets hammer some shit out like civilized [or not so civilized] adults before things go left [teeth suck]. SooooOOoooOOOoo, with that, I am not sure who needs to hear this message today but listen up saints.

I have no problem with authoritative figures but I will be damned if I will allow you to talk to or treat me like I am an idiot because someone tossed you a baton for a hot second. You gotta a little title or someone put you in charge and now you think that everybody should bow down? Nawwwwww son [in my Brooklyn accent]. Sit down clown! Power does not breed respect. You have it all mixed up. Respect breeds power. Anyone who thinks that belittling, condescending, nit picking, underrating, discounting, criticizing or turning your nose down at another highlights your competence is misguided. The display of those behaviors simply show that you are merely qualified to be an asshole. Nobody respects you. Someone at some point saw that you had the smarts to take charge but little did they know that your ego was going to run amuck and shit all over what you know. No one told you that humility, decorum, grace, fairness, understanding, civility, and tact coupled with your smarts make you a great leader; a manager of the business at hand. SoOOooOooooOOooo I will tell you. Do not let your character [or lack thereof] overshadow your accomplishment of climbing the ladder of leadership. No doubt you [probably] worked hard to get where you are. There is, however, truth to the old addage that the toes you step on on your way up are connected to the asses you may have to kiss on your way down. You say, "but I am on top". To that I retort, "pucker up". You will either misstep or step on the wrong person's toes [their feelings] and you will quickly fall from grace; from power. It is a hard fall. It can be a rough lesson. Everyone you have pissed off is waiting for you to drop. In your mind they are beneath you anyway, right? Do you expect them to catch you? Cushion your fall [raised eyebrow]? 

I close quickly with this. Curb your schmuck demeanor. You can be in charge. Remember that while your aptitude is what landed you where you are, it is your attitude [invariably] that will keep you there; or not [blank stare]. Amen? Amen! Okay, carry on.

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Would you like more real talk from India L. Trotter? Buy her latest book Real Talk - Unsolicited Advice from a Blogger Chick by clicking here.

So today I woke up to a text that said, "good morning beautiful, if you care...". I chuckled. You see the same person has text me "Good morning beautiful" every single morning since like forever [teeth suck]. At the risk of sounding ungrateful for such a kind gesture lemme start off by saying that I told this son of a gun that I work at night. Heck, he met me at work while I was working at night [blank stare]. So ummmmm errrrrrr damn near a year in and I am still getting a text at 8 o' clock in the morning. It is like me texting a person who I know goes to bed at 10pm at 3am every friggin morning just to say "hi". Like, who does that [raised eyebrow]? Like, REM has just started to take over; consciousness has been lost. I am, for all intents and purposes in a coma. Many times I ignore the text or simply reciprocate the banter when I wake which is usually hours later. It appears that my actions or lack thereof have stuck a cord and my morning greeting is now accompanied with cynicism, facetiousness, and guilting. SoOoooOOoooOoooo because I am who I am and I do what I do, let me break some shit down.

I am beautiful. I know this. I do  not say that with conceit or with arrogance. I say that with confidence and understanding of self. A text in the morning does not re-emphasize that for me nor does it assure me that your thoughts of me are greater than my thoughts of myself. It is a kind gesture at best. But is it? Is it kind if you know that truly it is an interruption to my day; heck my sleep pattern? Is it because I am the first person you think of when you rise? Or is it that you just hit the I's on your rolodex of "good morning beautiful" recipients? I am certain you will say that I am the only one [side eye]. Does that mean that you care enough about me to understand what motivates me; what makes me tick? Do you know what it is that will make my heart go boom? Or are you coming at me like the average Jane; doing what worked with her but forgetting that I am not [well] average. You see I question if you [really] care. If you did [care] would you say consider the make up of me. You would think about how best to meet me halfway; in the middle. Instead you want me to adjust to you. You would like me to adjust my patterns to better suit yours. When I do not or seem unmoved you still do not look at my circumstance. You decide that I should feel guilted into an 8am convo that boils down to stroking your ego. Ummmmm errrrrr, you can count that as a negative. It is not going to happen and it simply affirms for me that I need to continue doing what I do; turning over and going back to sleep. You have truly given me nothing to "care" about. 

I will drop this here with this final thought. Ladies do not confuse selfish gestures with kind ones. On the surface it can be difficult to differentiate. Sometimes we change and adapt to please a situation [or a person] that is unwilling to change or adapt for us. They treat us ordinary but are looking for extraordinary treatment to be given in return. All attention is not good. Look at the intent and let that be your guide.  And let me be clear, there is nothing wrong with a "good morning beautiful" if you wake up in the morning [lip curl] and especially if that's your thing. Everybody has a thing. But errrrrrrrr ummmmm how much does that really mean if you typically wake up in the afternoon [teeth suck]? Okay, buy my book & carry on.


Would you like more real talk from India L. Trotter? Buy her latest book Real Talk - Unsolicited Advice from a Blogger Chick by clicking here.

This piece is intended or mature audiences. 

SoOoooOOoooOOoo I am surfing the net, late at night, trying to find way to promote my book and I happened into one of the many Facebook Groups of which I am a member. To protect the sanctity and the secrecy of the group I will not say which one [teeth suck]. Anyhoo, this member had written a whole soliloquy about masturbation an his [alleged] very large tool; if you will [blank stare]. Whilst others shied away from the shenanigans I went into the post full throttle [pun intended]. Just know that this mediocre ploy at best to get attention peaked my interest. Like did this person write this ode to an orgasm for shock value or to entice the lewd and loose. Well, [teeth suck] he had [has] the right one. I am not easily shocked and I have been known to dabble in lewd and loose behavior. What? Like, who hasn't [side eye]. I digress. Like the professional that I am, I comment on his piece and we go back and forth; gently sparring with intelligence.  I still cannot ascertain if he is toyin' with my sexual prowess or stroking my brilliant ego but I kinda like it. A lyricist was [is] he; not to be confused with a rapper. It was cute. After all the back and forth [the mental foreplay] he [for whatever reason] brought it back to his penis; his cock [for my anglos]. That killed my mood. It dampened my vibe. The intrigue was gone [sigh]. Just an average dude with above average writing skills talking about his dick. I am somewhat disappointed. I was led to seriously analyze and over analyze what just happened.

Penis talk is so passé. Yeah, it may grab one's attention for a limited time but it is not the end all be all. I really am not sure why some guys gravitate towards the stroke of their manhood before they embrace the stroking of their mind. And with the double standard of them offering up something that they will absolutely judge you for taking; it is all just rather [well] inappropriate. Yep, I said it [lip curl].  Fellas you wanna have your cake and eat it too. You want to be the pimp and the ho. You want to make and break the rules. Au contraire mon frère! The buck stops here and hopefully with some of you other ladies out there. A woman of substance cannot be baited with your little [or not so little] head. The fact is a real woman is not looking for a man to offer up some penis talk. Its crass, at best. We are seeking out just a little more than that. What else you got to peak our interest? You just might have to let bigger heads prevail [blank stare]. Okay, carry on!

Okay, so we know that typically I do not curse on Sunday's and Wednesday. Or is that Sunday's and Tuesday's [raised eyebrow]? But errrrrr ummmm when I break down certain topics some of you do not hear me unless I revert to my street side. You can not be coddled. Me talking to you sweet is just an enabling gesture. You need hard nose, straight-no-chaser, real talk language; a pure dose of unsolicited advice. I got that [teeth suck]. 

As you embark upon another week I beseech you to own your shit! This needs to be a "make no excuses" type of week [side eye]. Now I am going to talk to you like I talk to me. Just yesterday [or was it the day before] my sister from another sista' called me on my bullshit. I have been complaining to her about all this weight gain, complaining about lack, complaining about about this and complaining about that. Yeah, I have my moments. I can dish advice but I do not always do such a great job of taking it. I digressed. Anyhoo, my sister hit me with the "When you are able to emotionally process me calling you on your bullshit I'll be right here." Huh?! YooOOooOOo, what just happened [blank stare]. Did this chick just call me out without calling me out? I think she did. Basically she was saying that she heard me but [in layman's terms] stop with all the excuses; the shenanigans. Stop with all the whining; the "woe is me". Stop with all the complaining and not doing anything about it. Stop! Stop! Stop! Sometimes we need a person to listen to our soliloquies of woe but others we just need a good swift kick in the ass. This blog, for me and you [side eye], is that. Are you emotionally prepared to process hear what I am saying and receive it? 

How do you own your shit, you ask? Well, for starters --------> no more complaining. Before you complain about something ask yourself [self] "what am I doing to change this situation?" If you are doing absolutely nothing then change that. Do something; less talk more action. Next up is stop making yourself the victim. Your circumstance is your circumstance because of you. Period. I wont even elaborate on that because you truly understand what I am saying and if you do not then you are simply playing dumb. Stop playing [teeth suck]. I end with this, what you say or do is because of you. Your actions, reactions and lack of action is all on you boo. Nobody can make you do. Nobody can make you not do. You have to stop lying to yourself [in whatever your situation is] and stake claim in your foreseeable betterment. You have emotionally shackled yourself to the position you have found yourself in and it is time to realize that you are holding the key to escape. Once you realize this, you will take ownership in your shit and you will start to see the changes that you so desire but have yet to achieve. Amen? Amen. Okay, carry on.


Would you like more real talk from India L. Trotter? Buy her latest book Real Talk - Unsolicited Advice from a Blogger Chick by clicking here.