The ladies of GirlTiniLive Uncensored [Tyema Sanchez, Sui Ming Johnson, Summer Willow Fitch and India Trotter], an internet talk radio show, discussed dating & expectations being set too high. So many times those of us who are single question why we are such. There are so many contributing factors to the answer "why" but many times we overlook what may be the obvious; it could be we are looking for Mr. Perfect instead of Mr. Right. The ladies used the Madam Noire article below as the basis of their discussion. 


PUT THE LIST AWAY: 14 SIGNS YOUR EXPECTATIONS ARE TOO HIGH
Shared from MadamNoire.com - By Ashley Page

There is no such thing as a perfect relationship, yet when you’re venturing out in the dating world, you’re looking for absolute perfection. While there is nothing wrong with having high expectations for the men you date and eventually get into relationships with, sometimes having too high of expectations can have just the opposite effect of what you’re looking to achieve. Here are 14 signs that your expectations are too high and it’s time to reconsider.

1. YOU WANT YOU IN MALE FORM
When it comes time to find a man who you’re willing to date and maybe settle down with for a little while, you’re looking for someone who can mimic you. You want a man who likes the same things you do, has similar career aspirations, has the same exact morals, and has the same future vision. While having similarities is important, you’ll find it’s extremely hard to find a man who is exactly like you. Your expectations are too high if you’re looking for a you in male form.

2. ALL OF YOUR PAST RELATIONSHIPS HAVE BEEN SHORT
When you look back and think, you have never really had a long-term relationship. You’ve maybe dated a guy for a few months but eventually things crumbled and fell apart. The reason you may not be able to hold onto a man for a long period of time may be because your expectations are too high. Having too high of expectations can cause all sorts of tension and frustration in a relationship when men who are trying their hardest still can’t please you.

3. YOUR DEAL BREAKERS ARE ALL SUPERFICIAL
Every woman has those things that she just does not want in a man. Who wants a guy who doesn’t work and plays video games all day? Or who wants a man with no aspirations in life? However, for you, your deal breakers are all extremely superficial. You refuse to a date a man who isn’t at least 6’0 and you won’t date a man who doesn’t  have a chiseled body. When your deal breakers are superficial, it’s likely that your expectations are too high. Remember, everyone has flaws, so cut them a little slack.

4. YOU’RE LOOKING FOR A MAN YOU CAN MOLD
When you go on a date or get into a relationship, you know in your heart and in your mind that you’re looking to mold and change this guy to fit your idea of a perfect man. You purposefully don’t date men who seem extremely stuck in their ways and unwilling to change. When your expectations are too high you do anything and everything you can in order to mold a man to mess perfectly into your wants and needs.

5. YOU EXPECT DATES TO GO EXACTLY AS YOU ENVISION IT
Before a date, you have this fairytale in your head that plays over and over again. You meet this handsome man and he’s a gentleman. He’s also everything you’ve been looking for. But when you do go on dates with these high expectations of a perfect night you’re often let down. First dates rarely go as planned. Everyone is awkward and just because things didn’t go super smooth doesn’t mean the evening was a total bust.

6. YOU WANT A MIND READER
You’re one of those women who isn’t too good at communicating what she feels and thinks. Instead, when you’re angry, sad, or upset about something, you expect the man in your life to be able to figure it out all on his own. Women who want mind readers often have extremely high expectations that not many men are able to surpass, let alone live up to. Communication is important in any relationship and expecting a mind reader just won’t fly.

7. YOU’RE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO COMPLETE YOU
You are convinced that there is this one single man out there just waiting for you to find him so that he can complete you as a person and as a woman. You have this idea that this man is your soul mate and he’ll be able to fulfill all of your wants and needs. If this is your true way of thinking, you have a lot of learning to do and you’ll find yourself nothing short of single. If you’re looking towards someone else to make you happy, you’ll never be completely happy. Happiness has to come from within.

8. YOU DREAM OF MOVIE AND FAIRYTALE ROMANCES
Fairytales are exactly that, and the relationships you see in the movies are nothing like the real ones you will experience. Love and relationships should never be based on fantasy ideas. Having these ideas in your brain sets you up for failure because when your relationship isn’t on par, it’s a shortfall and you pawn the relationship off as being bad or untrue. Your expectations are too high when your brain is focused on fake and fantasy relationships and love.

To view the slide show on MadamNoire.com & signs 9 - 14 please click here...

Written by Sarah Ashley O'Brien
Shared from http://www.thedatereport.com
Photo Credits: Image via somarj, hsingy

“Ghosting,” the act of disappearing in a phantom-like fashion from someone you are seeing, is prevalent in today’s dating culture and it is objectively terrible behavior. Ghosting can happen after a one-date rendezvous or months of seeing each other – no one is safe from this juvenile phenomenon. Take a horde of singles living in a big city, give them tech devices and dating apps, add a dash of childishness and you’ve got a recipe for relationship disaster stories. For Millennials, “and then I never heard from him again,” is one of the most common endings to great date stories. And we all deserve a happier, non-Sopranos-style ending.

“I think people have been ending relationships badly since the beginning of time,” says Dr. Nicole L. Cromer, a licensed clinical psychologist in New York City. But now that we can hide behind our phones and swipe right on Tinder to find our next date, it’s that much easier to be anonymous and to not take responsibility, explains Cromer, who specializes in relationship issues. But just because it’s easy doesn’t mean it isn’t gutless.

When I met Jeremy at a bar in Midtown on a random Wednesday night, I was incredibly naïve to the New York dating scene.  He was genuinely interested in me ­­– I thought. The idea of feigning attraction in an attempt to get someone in bed was nonsensical to me. He texted me nonstop and we met up twice within days of meeting.  Soon after, the momentum of our communication came to a startling halt.

When I reached out, he made excuses about how work was keeping him from going out.  He was a few years older and worked in banking, so this was plausible. A week later, I thoughtfully asked if he had time for lunch one day soon – a date with a built-in timetable for a busy trader. I blankly stared at my phone, awaiting his response, until eventually I blinked and realized what had happened: I had been ghosted.

Sure, he promised me nothing. I was the one who had the Pollyanna-ish expectation that a few fun nights out together meant he should, at the very least, digitally acknowledge my existence.

More than the difficulty of dealing with the loss of him, I struggle with stomaching the lack of human decency of ghosting. I understand that there’s no future for us, but a simple acknowledgment of an appreciation for the time we did spend together, “Hey, I had a fun few dates with you but I don’t think we’re right for each other beyond that,” would provide so much more closure. It’s always a blow, but you can get over it in a few days. When the ghost disappears, you spend the first few days wondering when you’re going to get a text back and then weeks trying to figure out what went wrong.

Jeremy might have been the first to pull a stunt like this on me – but his actions are certainly not unique.

“Whether you just go radio silent on them, or cancel on them, I definitely know a lot of guys who end things that way and are guilty of it,” explains one New Yorker, named Jimmy. “You had fun, they’re not Ms. Right but it was a good run and you just kind of fade it out.”

Jimmy, 25, says that men, too, are frequently on the receiving end of this. Because the likelihood of running into someone again is slim – and the probability of finding another date within the hour is high, thanks to an inundation of digital dating services – some find this to be a viable solution to ceasing contact with someone.  More than simply being a symptom of living in a transient city, Jimmy believes that immaturity also plays a role, and agrees that ghosting hurts.

Confrontation in this instance is defined not by conflict, but by being upfront and letting the person know, “I’m just not that into you.”

“This scenario [happens] even after four, five, six dates,” said Jimmy.  “They can still be disrespectful enough just to play dead on you. It definitely stings a little.” He notes that this practice can make the ghostee feel like they weren’t even “worthy” of an explanation.

To read the remainder of this awesome article by Sarah Ashley O'Brien click here.

Written by Tom Miller
Shared from http://www.yourtango.com

It's time that social media starts following the real life rules of common courtesy.
Facebook, like nuclear technology, is a tool that can be used for good as well as evil. And there are clearly some people who lack the ability (or desire) to use either responsibly.

One of my all-time favorite Facebook stories involved a recent college graduate backtracking it to the old Alma Mater on a recruiting trip. He went to a neighborhood watering hole, flashed some of that first-year cash and, later, worked on his night moves with a fine, young coed. Unfortunately, he knew she was going to Facebook (it's a verb now) him and he still had a few days in College Town, USA. So, he did the prudent thing and changed his status to Single. He and his old girl were on the rocks and he thought he'd enjoy the rest of the trip. This was how now ex-girlfriend found out. She was dumped by Facebook.

And because this is neither Vietnam nor the Wild West, we decided to implement some rules of etiquette for Mark Zuckerberg's handiwork. Here are the top 10 rules of etiquette for using Facebook responsibly in and around relationships:

1. Relationship status is a mutual decision. As illustrated above, lots of problems can arise from a unilateral status change. All of your friends get that update in real time - not a fun way to find out that the dream is over.

2. It's OK to look through your friend's friends for people you might want to meet/date/friend. It's not OK to skip the middleman on the introduction. I get freaked out when anyone I don't know tries to friend me. I assume they're trying to sell me something, stalking me or both. As always, be mindful of friend-poaching, it's not cool.

3. Ask first before friending a close friend's ex-squeeze. It's common courtesy and it's part of the bro code.

4. It's OK to remain friends with someone you used to date on Facebook. We can be grown-ups about this. Just prepare yourself to see some status updates that you could probably do without.

5. Posting a ton of pics, vids and comments regarding a recent, failed relationship is a bad idea. If you need a lifeline, phone a friend don't ask the audience


To continue reading this article please click here. 

Written by Summer Willow Fitch
Hearts & Hangovers
Courtesy of GirlTiniLive

Happy (almost) Valentine’s Day! Here comes that special holiday where the seasoned couples take their gift giving up (or down) a notch, new lovers get their first taste of what love can be like and those who don’t have a significant other or have recently experienced heartbreak will; watch others get all sentimental and mushy in laughter, in awe or in tears.

Valentine’s Day can be difficult for those who do not have a romantic partner or who have recently experienced a break up. If you are single and happy- then KUDOS to you! Some really need your strength. I am talking however, to those of you who find it hard to watch your ex-love give gifts and show appreciation to their new love interests; especially if you have not moved on. Or those who tell everyone else they do not care about the holiday to save face, but cry uncontrollably in the dark on this day. I am talking to those of you who want love and hate to be reminded of the fact that you have not found it and become cynical or down-right rude to folks who have love in their lives!

I want you to take a deep breath (woo-sah) and continue reading as I have eight (The number 8 is the great Karmic Equalizer) tips to try and help you make it through this Valentine’s day season! Here goes:

1. Stay Off of Social Media – Oh delicate heart, the last thing you need to do on Valentine’s day is to surf social media. Unless brutal truth is your therapy, you do not need to see your ex, some new person your like or even total strangers posting pictures of their Valentine’s day rewards. Spare yourself the agony!
2. Send a Gift of Love to a Friend or Family Member – The best way to experience love is to show it. Remember, love is not just romantic and you can express true love and appreciation to the people in your life who actually DOhold you in high regard. Send a card and a gift to your mom, your favorite uncle or to your best friend. Seeing them smile could turn your frown upside-down!
3. Go Out on a Date With Someone Who Likes You – If you have recently been heart broken or avoid relationships and dating because of the pain associated with break-up’s- this is a sure way to start getting over the hurt. Unless you are a total asshole, someone likes you [I hope]. Someone has been hinting that they are interested in dating you but you shrug it off. Valentine’s Day is the perfect day for single folks to accept advances or reach out to a potential dating partner that you have had your eye on. You never know – you may have a BLAST!

To read the rest of what Summer Willow has to say [and this article] click here.

Paying Etiquette: Who Picks Up The Check?
Written by Madeline Murphy
Courtesy: http://www.askmen.com

One of the touchiest dating issues today has to do with money: Who pays, the man or the woman, and when? Once you're knee-deep into a relationship, you'll have worked out what is best for you as a couple, but in the meantime, it's tough to know what's expected of you.

Typically, men today are put into a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situation.

Some women are insulted if men always insist on paying. It may make them feel as if they are being bought or patronized, as if they can't afford to pay their own way.

On the other hand, if men don't offer to pay instantly, some women will think that they're just being cheap or ungentlemanly.

It simplifies things once you realize that, when it comes to money issues, there are only three possibilities:

• You are expected to pay
  
• She is expected to pay
  
• Both parties should split the bill down the middle
  

There are a couple of general indicators determining which of these three options is taking place. Once you've learned them, you'll be more than prepared to handle any tricky dating scenario.
you should always pay...

On First Dates
First impressions are important — on most first dates, your best bet is to make the first move when the bill comes, and if she shows no sign of resistance, go for it. This goes not just for the very first date, but throughout the early stages of the relationship. Paying for things is not just the gentlemanly thing to do, it also indicates that you are responsible, steady and well-established. Women like that; it helps them decide whether or not you are relationship-ready.

If You Asked Her Out
A good general rule when it comes to these situations is to ask yourself, "Who asked who?" If you instigated the date, then you will be expected to pay. In fact, it's good to be prepared to pay, regardless. Nothing looks more pathetic than a guy's sheepish expression when he doesn't have enough money with him to cover the charges; and in today's world of credit and debit cards, this shouldn't be an issue.

On Special Occasions
For special events, such as your anniversary, her birthday, holiday dinners or even just to spontaneously celebrate her achievements — like being hired for a new job or getting into law school, for example — you should offer to pay. First of all, it makes you appear gracious and classy. Second, it's a great way to show her how proud you are of her. Just remember that the key is in the delivery; don't make a big show of your largesse by letting her know how much a meal cost. What a tacky move! Simply smile and say, "This one's on me, honey."
Find out when she should pay and when you should split it down the middle...

Read the rest of the article about when she should pay and when to go dutch....

Courtesy of http://www.Examiner.com
Written by India L. Trotter - Philadelphia Frugal Living Examiner


It is that time of year again. Everyone is all lovey dovey. At least it seems that way. February comes around and the first thing we see are visions of are hearts, cupids and other Valentine paraphernalia. The roses are red and pink. Love or [shall I say] extreme like is in the air. While the couples and soon to be couples are all kissy face what about those who are still single? What does Valentines Day yield for them? Well I am here to tell you.

Getting back in the love game can be scary but more importantly it can be pretty costly. One of the most popular gates of entry is via online dating. Most online dating sites, however, come with monthly membership fees which over time are not friendly to the frugal pocket. And, like with everything, there is no real guarantee that you will find a mate or even someone that you are remotely interested in. Many times online memberships go unused; similar to a gym membership. Money is just flying out the window and love is still no where to be found. There are those that do find someone of interest using the internet. Those finds then lead to the the first meet up which can be a pocket pincher depending upon the venue that is agreed upon. Will it be coffee, dinner, dessert, a show or a movie? Whatever the case may be it can become rather expensive to find the one who sparkles in your eyes.

Read the complete article...